One day last week, we went out for a bike ride. Now, the time before that I felt awful afterwards. I felt like I was going to vomit, I couldn't breathe, etc. Terrible. This time, part way through I did feel sick, but still got just over 2 miles in. But before we went out this last time, our neighbor was outside doing some yard work and hollered over to us to "tell you guys something, without you getting embarrassed. I was expecting something along the lines of toilet paper hanging out of my pants or looking like an elephant on a trike. (Though the visual of a cute baby elephant on a trike is kinda adorable. Think about it.) We walked closer to her side of the street so we could hear over Sir Yaps-a-lot, then she told us that we were inspirational and she was proud of us. Mind you, this is a lady we've been cordial to, not a friend by any means. I have no idea what their names are, except the little boy...it's Daniel or Nathaniel, because they yell for him to come home from the park at dinner time. We say hello, she's given us peppers from their garden when they've grown too many, we throw the ball back across the street if it comes over, but nothing more. And here she is, saying that we're an inspiration because of the weight we've lost and that we keep going. Apparently she has been keeping an eye on us since we moved in a year ago. She's seen us shrink (shrinking is really referring to Mike, he's done an amazing job. 75 pounds! I couldn't be prouder of that man) and watched us go for our runs/walks. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
I've found that when people I know recognize the effort we put in, I feel pretty good. But then when we get comments like that from someone who is practically a complete stranger, I feel pretty damn great. Not gonna lie, her saying that to us kept me in a good mood, even after I felt like death 2 miles later. I am still surprised when people tell me that I inspire them. Lol, what? Me? I'm not that great, I'm a procrastinating perfectionist. A wanna-be-focused kid with ADHD. A sarcastic person, that depending on the day and my stress level can snap because of something really stupid. A girl that has always been fat, who is now attempting to shed some of the weight so I can be a better parent than my father ever was on his decent days. (How I worded that makes it sound like he's dead. He's not...which shocks me given his health/weight. But he and I never got along, and that has a lot to do with him treating me more like an unwanted step child than his biological daughter. That's a story for a different day though.) I'm messy, loud, confused, quirky, and random. I don't know why anyone would be inspired by me. But I've started hearing it a lot lately. If not that I'm an inspiration, then I'm the one getting asked for tips. But I'm really not that knowledgeable. I'm left feeling happy yet confused and a little stressed after those encounters.
I'm happy people acknowledge the work I've done. But I haven't done it to be anything more than better for me, my fiance, and my family (current and future). I'm confused, because why in the world would anyone look up to me? (Also, I have very low self esteem. Again, another story for another day.) And a little stressed because I don't want to let these people down. I'm not sure what the answer for these feelings are, and if anyone has pointers, fire away!
I'm happy people acknowledge the work I've done. But I haven't done it to be anything more than better for me, my fiance, and my family (current and future). I'm confused, because why in the world would anyone look up to me? (Also, I have very low self esteem. Again, another story for another day.) And a little stressed because I don't want to let these people down. I'm not sure what the answer for these feelings are, and if anyone has pointers, fire away!
Alrighty, it's 12 hours from the start of my next shift. I really need to get some sleep! I'm hoping that maybe this weekend I can get some work done and maybe get to do some cooking! I've been in a mood to cook, but it's been so crazy I just haven't had the chance. Soon I hope!
And to end this post with something visual, my pictures!
That December I was probably around 235-240. Again, now I'm around 190. Down from size 20 pants to 14s and some 12s. The girls have went from 44F to 40DD. My back feels a little better already lol.
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